History repeats itself
by The cursed child
Summary: Having disappeared months ago without warning, Lily is surprised when her sickly looking -almost insane- brother turns up in her garden. She never would've imagined that pain and guilt could run so deep.


**Warning: Very dark!**

"Albus?" Lily Potter asked, surprised at seeing her big brother in her back yard, leaning against an old oak. She hadn't seen the Potter in months. The black-haired man looked up. His wand was twirling slowly between his unsteady fingers. His eyes looked haunted and unfocused. The green colour switching shades. Emerald, forest green, lime. The colours changed with his thoughts. They raced through his mind, making no sense to even him.

It was always the first thing you noticed about the man's appearance, but today she also noticed how sick he looked. His skin was sickly pale, almost white, like he hadn't seen the sun in years. His skin clung to his bones, straining against his cheekbones and chin. The bags under his eyes were black and his while body was slighly shaking, like he didn't have the power to keep himself in place. His clothes were old and torn in most places. They showed Lily how much weight he'd lost, and she couldn't help herself when she tried to guide him to her kitchen by laying a hand on his shoulder.

Lily knew immediately that she'd made a mistake. The tremors stopped for half a second. His whole body tensed. She felt the magic lash out before it hit her. Her petite body was flung against the brick wall of her house, the bones cracked.

She had to use every ounce of strenght to keep from passing out. Her vision blackening every few seconds, she assessed the damage. Her legs were fine, but she was sure that her left arm was broken, as was her wrist. Her ribs felt bruised and her breathing was laboured. Feeling around with her hand she found the blood on her head. The concussion was hopefully mild, but her headache told her it was anything but.

Pushing herself into a standing positon she stumbled back to her older brother. He had curled up in a ball and was shaking severly. He was mumbling the same phrase over and over. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

But he wasn't talking to her. He was speaking to the voices in his head. They yelled at him, sneered at him, told him what he truly was. There was no escaping the voices. He just had to keep apologizing. That would make them stop for a while, if he kept it up long enough.

Lily, having needed to heal her friends and family quite often mended her bones temporarily and sat down across from Albus. The pain made her dizzy, but she couldn't leave her brother there, he'd disappear. She'd missed her brother more than anyone else. She'd been so mad at him when he left. When their family had needed him most, he'd disappeared, and no spell or potion had been able to locate him.

Instead of grieving with them, he'd locked himself up somewhere. Today she didn't feel any anger towards him. How could she when he looked like he hadn't slept or eaten in months. She was too tired to care. Too exhausted to confront him.

She just couldn't understand why he'd left. They'd all been devestated, but they'd stayed together. Because together they were at their strongest. Her youngest brother had taken the pain harder than anyone else, he hadn't been able to handle it. But Lily didn't know what 'it' was. Albus and their father had been fighting for months. Did he feel guilty for having spent the last months with his dad arguing?

Harry Potter's murder and and consequential funeral had been the main event that everyone had been talking about. No one knew who had done it, but many were out for blood, mainly their mother, who had sworn an oath to kill the one who'd destroyed her life. She hadn't been home in months either. Choosing to wear nothing but black and roam the world in search for clues. Learning the darkest Arts so she would be able to make the killer pay when she found him. She had delved deeper and deeper until it had consumed her. She hadn't smiled since she was notified of the tradegy.

James had pulled through, having a family to take care off and a succesful career. He'd ignored his grieve and moved on, knowing that he couldn't do anything to bring his father back. Lily herself had dealt with it differently. She'd mourned her dad, maybe just as much as Albus, but more than all of the Weasleys. And still, she'd been glad that it was over.

Once he'd sent his children off to Hogwarts, Harry James Potter had attempted to take over the ministry. His fame made it easy for him to pass laws that wouldn't have been accepted otherwise. Harry had taken advantage of it for once, convinced that it was the right thing to do. People always do believe that their own reasons are right.

Their world went to hell. Creatures that were able to live without the opression were suddenly able to do whatever they wanted. Lily knew that her parents'generation had lived during times of war and pain. Dark creatures had been offered many things by Voldemort if they would join his side. While their dad had opposed the Dark Lord, he had wanted to give those rights to the beasts.

That shouldn't have happened. Werewolves had access to enough Wolvesbane to control their actions while in their other form. In packs they were unstoppable. Bloodbaths had occurred. People were the easiest prey after all. In his quest for justice, Harry had compromised with everyone. Dark creatures suddenly had rights they'd never had (for a good reason.)

Those that knew what was happening gathered enough people for a resistance. Most of them had been Purebloods, those set on returning the old ways. Lily hadn't joined hem, but she'd agreed. Her family had seen the new war coming. Draco Malfoy was vicious with his counter-attacks. Most were on political ground, and completely legal, the assisinations hadn't been.

No matter how right they were, the purebloods weren't trusted because of their association with Voldemort. Her father, with his fame, had convinced the public, and the Opposition felt they hadn't had another choice. Her family had protected him, but after dozens of failed attacks they'd found him dead on the front porch. The only spell that had been cast was the killing curse.

With her father gone, the laws had been repelled and revised, returning a resemblance of peace to their world. She had grieved for her daddy, shed many tears. She'd mourned the man that raised her and her siblings, she hadn't mourned the hero – unlike so many of the others.

Albus was still mumbling, and Lily didn't dare touching him again. "Albus?"

His name gained her a reaction, but not the right one.

"No, no, no, no, not Albus, not Albus. Murderer, killer, monster. Murderer, killer, monster."

Lily reared back, but Albus didn't seem to notice. He repeaed his mantra over and over. " Murderer, killer, monster. "

A tear slid over her cheek. Somehow, she understood what he was saying. He'd killed their father. He'd spoken the words and watched their father die.

"Grindelwald, Dumbledore, Voldemort, Dad, Malfoy, Albus. Grindelwald, Dunbledore, Voldemort, Dad, Malfoy, Albus."

"Albus?" Lily tried again, not understanding.

"Hate, hate, hate. Need hate. Avada Kedavra, Avada Kedavra."

Lily bit her lip, trying to stop the tears. "Listen, Albus."

Albus was rocking back and forth, his eyes closed, but at her words, he looked up. Lily delved into his mind. It was completely unprotected. Every memory was easily accessable. She wasn't looking for memories. She delved deeper, and found his consciousness.

She flashed into a scene that she recognised immediately. She was standing on a rock in the ocean, nearby a beach that the family used to frequent. Rain fell from the clouds, the cold wind making them icy on her skin. Thunder rumbled and the sky lit up with lightning. She looked around and found Albus standing on the edge, looking towards the sky. On the clouds a memory was displayed. The young man stared at it without blinking. He stood, unmoved by the wild weather, unafraid of the raging waters underneath him.

"_Albus, you're not supposed to be home," Harry Potter said surprised when he saw his son standing in the doorway to his house._

_His youngest son looked at him and spoke: "I'm sorry."_

_His voice broke and he raised his wand against his defenceless father, speaking the two deadly words._

"You have to truly hate someone in order to kill them with a killing curse," Albus soft-spoken words echoed in her mind, making them audible over the sounds of rain and thunder.

"I killed him because I was a coward. I was afraid of war. I had to stop it from happening."

Albus never took his eyes of the memory as it replayed.

"I came to your house for a reason, you know. I want you to kill me. "

Lily looked at him unbelievingly. "What?"

"When Grindelwald rose to power, it was Voldemort who fought him and his. When Voldemort was at his most powerfull it was Dumbledore who fought him. Dumbledore imprisoned Grindelwald, Harry killed Voldemort, Draco killed Dumbledore. Do you see the pattern?"

She didn't, but he'd thought it to be a rhetorical question anyways.

"The hero becomes the leader of the resistance, said leader becomes the next 'Dark' Lord, A new hero rises."

"Dumbledore, Voldemort and Grindlewald. Dad, Dumbledore and Voldemort. Malfoy, Dad and Dumbledore. Me, Malfoy and dad. What´s next? Hero, me and Malfoy followed by Hero, former Hero and me as the evil villain. "

The memory repeated itself again.

"I won't become that, and I don't want mum to find out. There are some things that she should never know." Murdered his father, being hunted by his mother, ignored by his friends and brother, incapable of controlling his body. He had nothing.

Albus ripped his eyes away from the memory and looked Lily right in the eye.

His eyes glowed in the dark. Lily closed her eyes, unable to stare into the bright light.

"Don't come back here, I don't want to be saved."

Lily stood from the place where she'd fallen, looking on in horror as her brother kept muttering.

"Kill me, kill me."

**A/N Sorry for the excessive darkness, I'm in one of those moods.**


End file.
